Ups and downs

 It's kind of weird that I've been experiencing a wide range of emotions. I'm not sure whether it's the pandemic fatigue or is just the age is catching up. 

I feel happy and grateful for having my kids with me. I endured 7 months of separation when I had to leave them back in KL with my husband and mother in law to start a new job in Sydney. Grateful that I got a job to start with. It wasn't easy but the timing was right and I had to make the most difficult decision in my life so that I can pave way for something better for my children. It was worth it because I managed to relocate them just shy of 6 months before the entire world went into lockdown and everything just literally stopped for a good 2 years now. If I didn't make that decision to sacrifice 7 months of my time to be away from my kids, I would have dearly paid for it right now... Either we're stuck in separate countries or we would have never moved to Australia at all. 

Now, I tell myself everyday how grateful I am we have each other. I still miss my family and friends though, but my husband and children are next to me now. It's a blessing. 

Yet, I feel something is not enough for me. There's a void, often a feeling of emptiness, giving up and going with the flow. I don't even know why on some days my confidence goes up the roof, and on some days I feel like a complete loser. 

Is it even normal to feel this way? My hormones maybe? 

We're trying to inject some sunshine by gearing up for Deepavali. Second year in a row in Sydney. How I wish we could fly home. 

So what's this feeling of ups and downs? Will it go away? 


 

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